Is It Me You Are Looking For?

What all secondlife psychiatrists already point out a long time, the big problem of me is that I am in a desperate search for a little love and warmth. And to hide that I try to be as awful as I can be. Thats what all the amateur analists say. But…is it me you are looking for?

20 thoughts on “Is It Me You Are Looking For?

  1. Book 4 v.1-.1.4

    A special time within a strange place.
    somehow i managed to come this far.
    my travels had brought me to lots of places.
    i remember crawling out of a tunnel to see the stars shining above the hill.
    i remember seeing faces, familiar faces of long ago. then falling back again.
    i have been held in black places without gravity.
    without floors and without ceilings..
    surrounded by swarms of demons.
    pure black. no stars. no escape.
    i remember being locked in my body not able to wake up while i was fully concious.

    sometimes i stood still, watching how the world spinned so extremely fast,
    that when i throwed a stone into the water suddenlt everything stopped moving..
    i was able to freely move around and perceive a world that froze.
    i ahve been ONE with someone.
    i traveled far and close. transforming my soul that was not longer my own sole but a part of another soul.
    i was orange at the time.
    i know the true meaning of exctacy yet i cant explain it in words.
    the music i have seen and i have felt the colours.
    i know that lies behind the curtain, when i turned the hourglass..
    the sand stopped running and simply dissolved.

    i have traveled not once into the afterlife.
    i died sometimes, i came back. it is not a mystery to me.
    i know the first steps into the bardo.
    i can show you pure white light but also the worst fear you can ever imagine.
    i try to help and i try to heal.
    i cannot always do the right things but i try my best.
    many angels are the in the streets, many demons too.
    i have seen guardians, warriors, vampires and healers.
    it is not a fairytale.
    i kow these things since when i was born.
    it was not easy to deal with either.
    i cannot help but feel other peoples sorrow, it eats me from the inside.

    i have so much love to give and so much to show to you.
    if i just could place my hand on your heart and synchronize with you.
    i know its possible..i done it before but i forgot how.
    these travels make one tired.
    i try to give as much as possible to everyone i meet in my life.
    i do not get back the same but i am used to that by now.
    sometimes the plants and the wind talk to me.
    and that is what comforts me.
    but i am losing contact with the earth somehow.
    i do not understaind.
    i know my choices were not always the best ones but i never gave up.

    i can only smile and cry.
    now i try to write it down.
    how much of my words do you realy understaind?

  2. And to hide that I try to be as awful as I can be.

    That is what you say. You seeking love is obvious.
    See.. if one “misbehaves”, say acts against existing orders or rules, the person either does not recognize and or understand an existing order within a system, or the person consciously acts against existing rules. It gets tragical if the latter is the case and that person actually is unable to act differently–and to hide actually that propagates to consciously act as bad ass as possible, arguing that was an element of the composition. But thats just as ridiculous as threatening someone anonymous wth physical violence on the net.
    You are a misery and the real drama is you are caged in yourself. Get out of the box.

  3. Dear Butthole Surfer , why cant you simple acept that everybody have a life and a way to live it?.. respect the rules is not always the same that be a good person.. i dont agree many times whith Saveme, and there is specialy one of her videos that i hate so much, but one thing is clear for me, nobody can hurt me in SL. nobody can mistreat me in SL, cause my program come whith a fantastic cross to run away when i dont want to face things i dont like, and another buton that makes me apear in another place of SL.Is just my choice face or not the problem,, do you have that in RL ? i dont. Sl is imagination, SL is also drama, as the RL, Why you use the misery word to talk about a person that the only thing she do is film ideas?, sex, violence, love, all part of the game. Yes Save can be a pain in the ass, rude and agresive, but misery is never the word i will use to describe her, at least acept that she is creative. We all decide which kind of life we want in SL , we all wrong and we all have good days in the grid. but when we all log out, WE ALL have a life.. Save i want to live in that cage, at least inside there is a litle bit of color, not always complains, NEVER GET OUT OF THAT BOX .. xx love you

  4. heh Sole.. it is not me having a problem wth accepting things. It is this blog being dedicated to lament about being banned over and over again.
    All I say is, once you dont accept a rule, go ahead. Do what you want. Break it.
    But be mature enough to take the consequences of your action.

    A misery it gets if someone is not able to decide consciously whether to break a rule or not and just always misbehaves and just always cries out about it.

    Free yourself, SaveMe.

  5. mmmmh yes Sole. She is creative. Creative in displaying herself. She is her only content, except when she disguises other people’s content. Very creative indeed.

  6. Save i want to live in that cage, at least inside there is a litle bit of color, not always complains…

    -> Count SaveMe’s blogposts in here that do not contain a complaint. Then count the ones that do contain a complaint. Then tell me again you want to live in the box she is stuck in.

    • Dear friends, I am not stuck in a box, I just build every day a new one for myself. In the morning I always have still the illusion of freedom, but in the evening I realise it is time to hide as quick as possible because the butthole surfers are still trying to rule the world and surf the butt’s of the ones who don’t want to listen.

  7. Was interesting here for a short while. I think I wouldnt ever have written more than that first comment if you had not misinterpreted my identity in such a telling way.
    Anyways–my best wishes to all of you now. bb.

    • Misinterprete identities is what it’s all about here, otherwise we would put our real names under the writings or isn’t it? Or am I really SaveMe Oh? OMG, where is my psychiatrist? Where are the guards, call am ambulance, phone a mental institution!

  8. Ow yeah, Jezus. I forget something: the rest of my adress thingies. Well here they are. If you want you can phone me in RL 🙂

    Stichting Digitaal Almere (DIAL)(Peter Aggenbach) – Stellingmolenstraat 43-A 1333 CE Almere, Telefoon +31 (0)36 52 91 238, email: info@almere.org

    bye bye
    Peter aka HP

    • They disappear but always come back. Now even with a phonenumber. Soon his RL pics will appear, his bankaccount and the name of his dog. It’s just a matter of time. Isn’t this the man who asked me not to write about him anymore? What shall I do?

  9. I’m free to write and speak under my own name. I take all responsibility for what i do or write and say. I don’t need te be anonymous,… And that is something you (but not only you), still have to learn.

    And sure you may write about me, but try te be friendly if you do so,… I did not harm you anytime. I just asked you to leave my SL land.

    PS1 My dogs name is Lara.
    PS2 My pictures are already online.
    PS3 Even my wifes name is no secret, hehe. But, she can comment herself.

    • I don’t see the bankaccount answer.
      And my alt in RL is not anonymous at all, she only don’t want to mix up worlds. Why have a second life if it has to be identical to the first life?

  10. “If God puts you in prison
    or drags you to court,
    what can you do?
    God has the wisdom to know
    when someone is worthless
    and sinful,
    but it’s easier to tame
    a wild donkey
    than to make a fool wise.”
    job 11 /10-12
    *******************************

    Why do you accuse me
    of horrible crimes
    and make me pay for sins
    I did in my youth?
    27 13.27 Job 33.11.
    You have tied my feet down
    and keep me surrounded;
    28 I am rotting away like cloth
    eaten by worms.

  11. Omg… this is the siquiatric ??’.. yeahh.. i always knew some day i will finish in one. but never thought that it could be like this one.. i thought in white walls.. white clothes.. bad smell and screams everywhere. Maybe this is the new version of virtual siquiatrics

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